Merry Christmas!

We would like to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and Happy 2012! May God bless you in the coming year, just as He has blessed us this year. We love you all!

Rob, Allyson, {{Oliver}}, and Baby Bumblebee


Here is a picture of Ollie's decorated headstone...I'm sure he loves it! :)

Are you ready for this...

 Get your bottle of water...maybe a snack...and get ready to settle in for a little bit because this is going to be a long post! :) I mean, I have a lot to update you on.... 

...All of us at my brother's wedding (Nov. 25)...

Alright, I'll cut to the chase--our little Oliver Junebug is going to have a little Bumblebee to look after from Heaven. That's right, we are expecting another bundle of joy. 

...Introducing Bumblebee...

We had our first ultrasound on September 9 at 8 weeks. Everything looked great...which it did with Oliver, too. So we tried not to get our hopes up too much. We were still being cautiously optimistic. Loving this baby, but still guarding our hearts. Our OB told us she isn't worried about anything and she is going to treat this as a normal pregnancy because there is no reason to think otherwise. Especially since Oliver's issues weren't something genetic that was passed from Rob and/or I. 


I had (well, still have) mixed emotions about this...we've already lost one precious baby. We can't do it again! We were strong and made it through Oliver's stuff...but I don't know that we could do it again. I don't want to find out! But we are trusting God...this is His plan and He knows what is best for us. And He got us to this point...He blessed us with this little Bumblebee. 


Anyway, we went on with life like normal. We still didn't tell many people of our exciting news except our parents, family, and close friends. Then...well, I couldn't hide it any longer. Let's just say...at about 13 weeks...people began to notice. ;) So we started telling more and more people...especially if they asked or looked at my belly with a funny/thoughtful look. 


Well, we went on November 21 for the big ultrasound. As expected, we were very nervous, excited, and scared for this appointment--especially in the days leading up to it. (In case you don't remember, it was this ultrasound that we found out Junebug didn't have any fluid and our world fell apart...) Luckily, we have wonderful family and friends who prayed for us and the appointment. By Monday, we weren't even nervous...we had a great peace about what was to come. God was holding us...and Oliver was comforting us, like he was telling us "Daddy and Momma--don't worry. God is in control and He's pretty awesome! He's not gonna let you down!" :) ...And to be honest, I was more worried about peeing my pants than anything...sorry if that's TMI! 


They finally called us back to the room and I laid down on the table. The ultrasound tech put the wand on my belly and immediately, Rob and I knew things were better than with Oliver. We could see the baby! And there was lots of fluid around it! :) After the tech made me get up to "let some out" 4 times because my bladder was 3 times the size it should be and was interfering with her "picture taking", we were able to see that the heartbeat was strong, there is a 3 vessel cord (which is normal, but unlike Oliver's), and the baby was moving all over. She measured the head, brain, abdominal cavity, and femur.  We watched the 4 chambers of the heart beating. We accounted for stomach, kidneys, and bladder--all of which looked like they should. And Bumblebee is just as active as Junebug--I love feeling the baby move!! Then, it came time for the fun part...the gender reveal! See the picture below to see if you can figure it out... 

It's pretty obvious, huh?! :)

Here are some other pictures from our ultrasound. Enjoy!

Bumblebee's Foot (So little and cute!)

Bumblebee's hand...waving hello to Momma and Daddy

Bumblebee's deep in thought...and swallowing the fluid (if we could upload the video, you could see it)

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, our official due date is April 14 (which is Rob's birthday)--but our C-section is scheduled for April 9, 2012. :) Can't believe we are over half way...


And there is still more to say...but I will stop there for now. :) Thanks for checking in...and check back soon. Hopefully, we will be more regular again...


XOXO,
Allyson 

It's been a while since we've posted...

First off, Happy Oliver Day! Sorry it's been so long since we have posted anything at all. It's been a crazy couple months for Allyson and I. Allyson is still trying to keep up with her kindergarteners and I feel like we always have something going on, but yet don't know what we've been doing. Don't worry though, the blog is going to start be more active again real soon.

Today it has been 33 weeks exactly since we said hello and see you later to Oliver. There isn't a day we don't think about him and thank God for having him in our lives. We look forward to each moment we get to share about our little guy and those opportunities have become less frequent over the last few months. People probably think we should be moving on, but I don't know how you move on from something which changes your life and the lives of others. Life will never be the same, even 33 weeks later. We miss Ollie more than ever, but know he's got the best baby sitter.

Check back soon...

Thanks,
Rob and Allyson

Happy Half Birthday, Baby!

Dear sweet Oliver,

You have been in Heaven for 6 months--sometimes it feels like just yesterday we were holding you in our arms, and other times it feels like an eternity. We wonder what you would be like here on Earth...we look at other 6 month old babies and wonder what you would be doing. Would you be crawling? Babbling? Smiling? But then we remember that with all of the anomalies that you had, you wouldn't be crawling or babbling...you would hooked up to machines just to keep you alive. Not to mention, all of the surgeries and procedures. Oh baby, we believe that you would be miserable and in so much pain. You know we miss you terribly, but would never want that for you! Daddy and I are very glad that you are in Heaven and not in any pain. We know you don't need to crawl--you can fly! You don't need to babble--you can talk! And we know you are smiling all of the time because you are hanging out with some pretty awesome people, including Jesus! :) Like Daddy always tells me, you ARE with the best babysitter! Happy Half Birthday, Baby!

We love you so very much!
Daddy and Momma

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a side note, we went to visit our OB this week to find out the results of Oliver's KateCares report. Everything came back just as we had been told in Cincinnati--no new findings. As you can imagine, that is a huge relief. The medical staff on the KateCares panel diagnosed him with urorectal septum malformation (URSM) sequence. It is not something that is genetic from Rob or I--it was just something that happened in his early development. The recurrence risk is less than 1%. We are very grateful for the time and research that many doctors and nurses put into figuring out what happened with our angel.

Thanks for your continued prayers and thoughts over the past 6+ months! We still feel them!

Happy Oliver Day!

Happy Oliver Day to everyone! It's Wednesday--so as most of you know, we refer to it as Oliver Day since it is the day when our little guy was born. And, every Wednesday, I do the same thing I did on the morning we were on our way to the hospital--I drink a Vanilla Frappuccino. I know it may seem a bit ridiculous, but it is another way I can remember back to the day when I got to meet our son. It's not that I really need a reminder because we think about him every day, but it has turned in to something special for me. (And I really like Vanilla Frappuccinos, so it's a great "excuse" to put one away weekly.) 

...Yum...

The last few weeks haven't been too bad, but the next week or so is going to be rough--I mean really rough. We are coming up on six month-versary of the birth and loss of Oliver. For some, this tends to be the hardest milestone--more so than say a month after, or even the year anniversary. We will have to wait to see what this will mean to us and how we are on that day. It's hard to believe six months have already passed! We've gone through a lot in life in these past six months, but we have made it because of the tremendous support we have gotten. Unfortunately over these past six months, we have had to learn about friends and others who have lost babies/children either through miscarriage, medical complications, or life situations. We pray they get the type of support we have received. We have been praying for them all and trying to help in any way we can, but it takes more than just us. So our advice to you--if you know of someone going through a tough situation (a loss or not), just let them know you are there and are praying for them. It will do more for their heart and soul than you will ever realize. 

On a side note, the concrete has been poured for Oliver's headstone and it should be placed at any time. We were hoping it would be there this past weekend when we went to visit his grave, but it wasn't. Bummer! The cemetery was actually closed on Saturday when we went there because of the local festival going on, but we managed to "find a way in" to visit Ollie's grave. ;) No gate and lock is gonna keep this daddy and momma from their baby's grave. 

On October 1st, we will be doing the "Walk to Remember", which is an event put on by St. Francis Hospitals. I'm sure it will be a great day, but also quite emotional for us since it will be one day after Oliver's 6-month Birthday. It's awesome this will be the 26th year for this event! I designed some special shirts for us to wear as our families walk to remember Oliver.

Front

Back

I hope everything is going well for everyone. Thanks for reading and being a part of Junebug's Journey.

Rob and Allyson

Walking and a Happy Birthday!

Allyson or I haven't posted for a while, so I thought now was a perfect time. On the 20th we both got to be a part of the Run 4 Everett to help raise awareness for Infant Loss, and the event also raised money for the great organization Kate Cares. We took part in the 5k at Fort Ben Park and for the inaugural event, and they had over 400 participants! It was truly amazing. Allyson’s mom, dad, and brother joined us as well, so that was nice. Before the race began we got to hear Oliver’s name read off and as it was read, we both released green balloons for our little guy.

 
It was an emotional but great moment for us both. We both wore little green Junebug hats we custom made for the walk to show support for Oliver.

Also, we drove the Junebug Beetle to the event. The day was perfect for our walk and the paths could not have been nicer. Overall, it was a great day and I feel the event was great for people to have the chance to celebrate, honor, and remember the little ones they have lost in their lives. I think of the event of another great example of how people can turn tragedies in their lives in to something positive.

The second part of the weekend was Allyson’s birthday. I was able to get a card and a gift for her from Oliver which I think will be special to her for a long time. I would tell you more about it, but I want her to be able to tell everyone. With this being her first birthday since the loss of Oliver, it was tough. Not only tough for her, but also for me. I know the only thing she really wanted was to have our little baby boy here with us, and I wish I could have given her that gift. We still know he is part of a bigger plan, and the only way for him to be healthy was to be in heaven, but it is still tough. It’s hard to explain how much you miss someone that you only got to spend an hour and 41 minutes with outside the womb.

Through all we’ve been through, I’ve learned a mother’s love for their child is unlike anything else, it is almost impossible to explain. And to think that Christ’s love for us is greater than a mother’s love for their child. Christ’s level of love for us is so big, I don’t know if we can truly grasp and understand the magnitude.

With all of this being said, I hope and pray that everyone gets to experience both the love of being a parent and the love of Christ. I also hope nobody has to feel the sorrow we have felt with the loss of Oliver. I can’t imagine how Christ feels when someone strays away from Him and He loses one of his children.

Wow, I didn’t expect to get all deep in this post, but it happened. Anyway, Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife and wonderful mother to Ollie, I look forward to the many more birthdays we get to celebrate together.

Thanks for reading,
Rob

Hope

Hope--the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn our for the best. (definition from dictionary.com)





Rob's aunt Karla got us this Willow Tree figurine...which we love. The other day, while I was cleaning, I got a little crazy with my Sw*ffer duster and knocked him off of the mantel. He landed on the tile below and his little outstretched hand broke off. I was crushed...but managed to keep composure. I was on the verge of tears, but knew I needed to fix him. I tried using wood glue--because I knew exactly where I could find it--to no avail. (Apparently they aren't wooden...) So I got the super glue out of Rob's Geocaching kit from Tony and Rett and it worked perfect. Our little Willow Tree boy now has his hand back with just a tiny scar.

When I was telling my SIL Rett about this mishap, she--in her wise and wit--explained to me how this could be seen as symbolism. Some people may lose hope when they are knocked down and broken, but we can be put back together with a little TLC. We will never be the same and always have a scar (visible or not), but we shouldn't give up hope. We can continue on with life and everything will turn out for the best.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a side note, how has it already been 16 weeks since our angel came to visit?! Time is going so fast! We are continuing to make progress in our healing. We have realized that God never intended for our son to be a take-home baby...he was meant to be an angel. God made his body so that it was obvious to us that he was suppose to visit us for a short time and then go home to Heaven.

We still don't have the full report yet from KateCares, but should within the next month. It takes a long time because they are so thorough, which will be good for us in the long run. We did get the preliminary autopsy results, which stated that his chromosomes were normal (so no down syndrome, trisomy's, or other chromosomal abnormalities). :) He did have a multicystic kidney, which was anticipated from the MRI findings. (If we get pregnant again, the doctors will monitor me and the baby closely--as if they wouldn't already--, but nothing to be worried about.) ...Also, they tested the placenta and umbilical cord to see if there were problems there that could have caused any of Oliver's defects...and everything was normal. :) So now we just wait to hear from the KateCares committee to see what else they have to say.

Please continue to pray for us and our families as we are continuing to grieve. We are starting to really get back to real life routines...I go back to school in a couple of weeks and will be teaching kindergarten this year. I will definitely need those prayers then. ;)

.: Reflection :.

So today is Oliver's 3 month Heavenly birthday. Yesterday, I was reflecting on how things have changed over the last three months. Sit back, relax (with a box of tissues)...this is gonna be a long one.

On March 29, I was feeling Junebug move and hiccup inside my belly, talking to Junebug, praying for God to grant us a miracle, and preparing to meet our Junebug. But nothing could prepare us for what we were about to experience. The morning of March 30th was the most bittersweet day for us (and our family and friends). Rob and I went into the hospital at 5:45 a.m. and I checked in at 6 a.m. The nurses prepped me for surgery. Starting IV's. Taking medical history. Listening to Junebug's heartbeat. My parents and Rob's parents arrived at the hospital around 7 and came back to triage to see me. Joni, the bereavement nurse, came in to check on me. Around 7:30, my OB (Dr. L) came back to see me. She came in, sat down on my bed, and gave me a huge hug! She was choking back tears while trying to keep me calm. This was going to be as difficult for her as it was for us. While she went to change into her scrubs, the anesthesiologist (Julie) explained to me what was going to happen when she gave me the spinal block. By 7:45, I had given Rob the last hug and kiss before surgery. I was now being escorted to the OR by Dr. L, Joni, Julie, and the triage nurse.

When I walked in the OR, it was the scariest thing I have ever seen. There were bright lights, loud noises, people walking around covered head to toe in blue cloth...it was so strange. I was terrified! And my rock, my husband, was not allowed in there yet. (I have never had surgery before, so this was not a great time to see the OR for the first time.) I was a mess. Just melting. Right there in the OR. A hysterical sobbing pregnant woman. I had to sit on the edge of the table while Julie placed the spinal block. Dr. L hugged me. Held me. Rubbed my upper back. Calming me. Whispered encouragements. To be honest, since I couldn't have Rob (or my mom and dad), then Dr. L was the next best thing. After Julie was finished with her job, the nurses finished prepping me for surgery and Rob was allowed to come in. Dr. L made sure that the sheet was low enough that I would be able to see Junebug when she took him out. (We were told that it was noted from the MRIs that he had a short umbilical cord.) Rob sat by my head, holding my hand and stroking my hair. Around 8:00, Greg (our good friend and a pastor) came in the OR. At 8:03, Dr. L started the c-section. We were going to meet our little baby. We were excited, yet nervous. Happy, yet sad. Hopeful, yet realistic. At 8:10, Dr. L held up our baby. Rob got to call out the gender--"It's a...BOY? It's a BOY!" I just cried at the sight of him. I made sure to say "Momma was right! Momma was right! I knew it was boy!" Then we had to decide a name while the nurses were cleaning him up. "Rhys Matthew?" Rob asked. In a whiny-kinda way, I replied "No...his name is Oliver!" By 8:11, I was holding my son! :) It was the best feeling in the world. He is precious! He is perfect! We did give him oxygen via a bypass tube...but we chose not to do anything heroic. We allowed God to move in the way He had planned. Greg baptized Oliver with Holy water in a sea shell. This was very important for Rob and I.

At 8:45, we were in my room. And as far as details in there...you are going to have to wait. The story will be continued later.

Well, this isn't exactly how I planned for this post to go. I was just going to talk about how our lives have  changed since March 30. What progress we have made. What struggles we still have. But I guess God or Ollie wanted Momma to tell the details of that day. :)

As I was reflecting today, I read the green journal for Oliver Junebug that people have written in. Telling him how God has used him to change their life. Or for people to tell us how God used us to help them.  Encourage them. Change them. Today, when I was feeling sad, it helped to know that God has used (and continues to use) our sweet little miracle baby to touch and change people. I'm not going to say that it makes it okay to be on this Earth without our baby, but knowing the impact of God's will for our little guy has helped us on the toughest of days. If you didn't get a chance to write a note to Oliver or us and want to, just add a comment to this post. I plan on printing them out and pasting them in the green journal. (Or if you want to write another for those of you who already have... that's fine too!)

We appreciate everyone's continued thoughts, prayers, calls, texts, FB messages, and emails. The "fog" is starting to lift...and we are starting to really function. We are still going to need your prayers and support in coming months and years. But it will get easier... but never easy.

Happy Heavenly birthday, baby! We love you so much!!

We took this picture in Myrtle Beach this past weekend.

Letter to Daddy

I have been thinking about Oliver a lot (as you would expect)...but we have had some milestones in the past week that made us think and talk to him even more than we do on a daily basis. 


The first milestone was Daddy's Day--Rob's first Father's day and he can't hold his baby boy. We anticipated it to be a very sad day...but it was pretty good. :) We slept in, went to my parent's for lunch and to hang out, and went on a bike ride with my dad (which was pretty fun and funny). Throughout the day and weekend, I asked Oliver (in my head) what he wants to say to his daddy...and this is what he said:

Dear Daddy,

Happy Daddy's Day to the bestest daddy in the whole wide world!! I can't tell you how much I wish I could physically be with you on Earth, but I am with you always. I watch you and listen to you. I hug you and kiss you--like you kissed and hugged me on the day I was born. I loved that...just as much as you did! I love that you were confused when you saw I was a boy--Momma kept trying to tell you that she was right. I love that you wanted to show me outside and what cars look like, so you took me to the window. Even though I didn't have my eyes open and didn't see then, I see it now. There are some pretty cool cars on Earth, huh?! I especially love that green VW Beetle you and Momma got and named after me--Junebug. That's one cool car, Daddy! And I love that Papaw, Mimi, Uncle Tony, Aunt Rett, and Abby, Laney and Hayleigh want to play with it and fix it up too! I am with you then too! 

Daddy, you are an amazing man! You are so faithful, strong, loving, smart, handsome, funny, and Godly.  Thanks for being so strong for me and helping Momma fight for me! You never gave up on me or God's plan. (And trust me, He knows what He's doing...) Thanks for being so loving to me and Momma...taking care of  all our needs and wants. You are super smart. You know how to do computer stuff and lots of car stuff. You are one handsome daddy...I brag about you here in Heaven, just like I do about Momma too. Jesus just laughs and rolls his eyes...he thinks I'm silly! And Daddy, you are such a Godly man. I love that you aren't afraid to tell people about what God is doing in your life. I will see you again someday (God won't tell me when though...). 

Stay strong, Daddy! Remember, God has a big plan...and you and Momma are part of it! I miss you and love you a lot, Daddy! 

Your Precious Baby, 

Oliver Matthew Junebug

P.S. I love that awesome HotWheel truck you gave me! That was very special and I'm glad I got to own a HotWheel! :)

Another milestone was Oliver's due date day--June 20. This was a hard day for us...I was suppose to be pregnant still, unless Junebug decided otherwise. It was going to be the day that we met our baby. And a couple days later, take him home. But, God had a different plan...as you all know. We kept ourselves busy and went to Cincinnati. We went to some outlet malls, Ikea, and ate at the resturant that we ate at almost 12 weeks ago for our final, last-chance-to-help-Junebug appointment. Overall, it turned out to be an okay day...and we felt Oliver with us--comforting Momma and Daddy on the difficult day. 

And then today is, of course, Oliver Day! :) Today, it's been 12 weeks since we said hello and see ya later to Oliver. 12 weeks?! Where has time gone? We miss our baby a lot still...and always will. We still have our good days and bad days...more good than bad lately. But there are definitely days that we just cry and cry...and relive the whole situation. We are healing...but it's a slow process. We will always have an Oliver-sized hole in our hearts that can never be filled. But on a happier note, it's Happy Oliver Day! :) Hope everyone has a great Ollie Day...you know he would want you to! He is smiling down on you and loving on you too! 

Daddy driving the Junebug

Letter to Oliver

Sweet Angel Baby Oliver,

It's been over 2 months since you went to Heaven...and Daddy and I miss you more than ever!! We miss your cute little face, your tiny nose, your itty bitty fingers and toes...we miss everything about you!

We drive by the parks and see lots of little boys playing on the swings and slides with their moms and dads...knowing we will not get to play with you. We see them running and playing tag...knowing we won't get to chase you around. We see families riding bicycles on the bike paths with children in tow (either on bikes or in trailers)...knowing we won't take you on a bike ride. We go shopping and see all of the cute, little outfits for boys...knowing we won't get to see you wear them. There are so many things (even little things) that we won't get to experience with you that people take for granted.

Ollie, we know that you are in Heaven...we know you are in the best place with the best babysitter, Jesus...and we know that you have lots of people to play with, like all of Momma's grandparents, Daddy's grandpas and grandma, along with other babies (Tressel, Aidan, Everett, Audrey, Colby, Emma, Elliana, Kendall, and many, many others). But that all of that still doesn't make it easy for us...just makes us breathe a little easier, cry a little less, and have comfort and peace knowing that we will see you again someday.

We designed and ordered your headstone. Now we just wait...until then, there is a temporary marker so we can find your grave easily. We put flowers on your grave for Memorial day...which happened to be your 2 month Heaven birthday. It may be weird, but I find comfort when we visit your grave. It's peaceful there.

On Thursday, we finally planted the Magnolia tree that our small group from church gave us in memory of you. Grandpa Sherman helped Daddy dig the hole and plant it properly. (I'm sure you know how Grandpa is about yard work/gardening...he loves it!)

Oh, our little Junebug...God is still using you. To change people's lives. To start relationships with people. To grow His kingdom. What you have done and are continuing to do is amazing!

We think about you constantly! We oogle at the pictures of you! We love you so much, baby!

Love,
Momma and Daddy

(I will blog later more details about the Magnolia tree...we took lots of pictures of the process!)

.:Perfection:.

We got Oliver's pictures today from Fingerprints of Grace. Perfection. They take us back to that special day...7 weeks ago. All of the sounds, smells, and feelings. Meeting our little Ollie for the first time. Holding him, kissing him, cuddling him. Seeing our families oogle at him. Loving him...so much! And praying to God that He would grant us much needed time with him. Ok...well, I know...you just wanna see our special little bug...

Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster

is loved

by so many.

He was talked to,

prayed for,

held, and

loved on.

We got to 

kiss and

snuggle

with our favorite

baby.

Our families

were excited

and anxious

to meet

our precious Junebug.

The pictures are perfect, aren't they? And priceless. Forever cherished. 

Thank you so much for praying for us...please continue! We need it still. The grieving process is long...and difficult. We appreciate your support. We keep reminding ourselves of this verse... 

This was Junebug's gift to the grandparents... :)

Mommy's Day

Today is a Mother’s Day, a special day to many, and a tough day for many as well. Mom’s who have children, have had children, mom’s who have lost children, and mom’s who haven’t been able to have children. Yes, even though some women haven’t been able to have children, I believe some are still moms because they have the heart of a mother. They have longed to be able to take care of a child and to be able to give a child love, even more so than some mom’s who actually do have kids.

Today is a tough day for Allyson and me, more so for Allyson because it is her first mother’s day and what mom wants to spend her first mother’s day without her baby. It has only been a little over 5 weeks since the birth and loss of our little Oliver Junebug, but it still feels like yesterday. Some days are tougher than others, and today is no exception.

I have been praying and really thinking hard about what Oliver would say to Allyson today if he could let her know how he feels. Below is a letter to Allyson from Oliver on what I think he would say to her on this special day.

“Dear Mommy,

Happy Mother’s Day to the greatest mommy in the world! I can’t tell you enough how much I miss you. How I miss feeling your warm touch and all the moments we shared. For 28 weeks you carried me and provided me with more than I needed. I miss you singing to me on the way to and home from work, the talks you had with me, and how much love you showed me, even when I was kicking you and pushing on your bladder :). Oh yeah, and mommy, the time we got to spend after I was born, when you got to hold me, kiss me, and see me for the first time, that was the most wonderful time, feeling your love and your arms wrapped around me, just holding me. I felt more love in those moments than some baby’s get in a lifetime. Also, I have to tell you that you are the most beautiful mommy a little boy could ever want and have, I brag about you all the time here in Heaven and Jesus just laughs at me and smiles.

Mommy, I love you so much and I know you love me, but don’t be sad today. Be happy because you gave me life and now I’m in Heaven and I can’t describe how awesome it is, I know you will love it! Jesus tells me how brave and strong you have been and how much you love and miss me, but that one day we are going to be together again, I can’t wait! He also said something about how you and I are part of some bigger plan for Him, and together we have been able to share His love with people all over the world. Wow mommy, I can’t tell you how proud of you and lucky I am to be your little boy! Please know we are all having a big party up here today for you and the other mommy’s who love and miss their children. All of the great grandma’s and great grandpa’s are helping us celebrate and telling us stories about our mommies. I can’t wait to hear more about you!

Mommy, know I am and will always be with you and we are going to be together again someday. I love you soooooo much mommy! We all are smiling down on you today and every day. Stay strong and keep showing the love of Jesus, because like He said, we are part of a bigger plan. Thank you for loving me and taking care of me mommy, I love you!

Your Little Baby Boy,
Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster (I love my name by the way!)”

God Bless all mother’s today and Happy Mother’s day to Ally’s mom Janet and my mom Kyna, I know they are missing their mom’s today too, just as Oliver misses Allyson.

Thanks for reading,
Rob

Good is not gone...

We have learned a lot about ourselves and people in the last few weeks and months during Junebug’s Journey. I’ve heard in the past how some people think that the good in the world is gone, but I can tell you from personal experience it isn’t. Want proof? We have had many people go out of their way to help us in many different ways. People have brought us meals, sent us cards, sent messages, sent flowers, and so much more.

Now you might be thinking, the people doing these good things are probably from their church. Here’s a newsflash for you, some of the people doing these things, aren’t from our church. In fact, they aren't from any church that we know of anyway. Yes, there is and always will be bad in the world too, but what stops us all from showing God's love in everything we do? Not just the moments during a tragedy in someone's life. I can tell you that the little things which have done for us have meant the world. Oliver has changed Allyson and I in many ways, but one big way is not taking for granted the little things in life. The meals, the prayers, and the notes from people we don't know have been some of the things we may have taken for granted in the past, but not any longer.

Today was a big day for Oliver, Allyson, and I. It was the 30th, exactly one month since the birth and loss of our little guy. I don't know how people with healthy babies celebrate one month of life with their little ones, but I do know you shouldn't take it for granted. Don't take any time you have with your kids or loved ones for granted because you never know when things could change in an instant.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot today is the little movements I saw Oliver make in the short time we had together. I could not anticipate how much they would mean to me now. I wish I could see his little face, fingers, legs, and feet move again, but all I can do is replay our short moments in my mind over and over. Parents reading this, please enjoy each moment and movement your kids make, even when they may not be ones you like at the time. We were blessed to have that hour and 41 minutes with Oliver and we thank God for that time. I know I keep saying this over and over, but enjoy the time you have. Spread God's love, and let us all fill the world with more good than bad. Then hopefully we can say one day, the negativity and bad in the world is gone...

Thanks and God bless,

Rob and Allyson

Really?

Has it been over 3 weeks since we said hello and good-bye to our sweet baby boy? Wow...how does time fly by and stand still all at the same time?! I feel like it was just yesterday morning that I was walking--(somewhat waddling)--into the hospital to meet our little Junebug, to find out if it was a he or she, and to be blessed by a wonderful God who gave us much needed time with this sweet miracle. How has it already been 3 weeks?

There are many days that people ask Rob and/or I how we are doing. And sometimes we struggle with what to say. Does that person REALLY care to know how we are doing...or are they asking because they don't know what else to say to us? Like, if I say that I'm doing terrible, are you going to walk away? Or are you going to listen to me? Comfort me? Most of the time, we are just in survival mode. We are okay...we will get through this. God is giving us the strength and comfort to continue on--minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. And to be honest, Wednesdays tend to be our roughest days--it's Ollie day! Those are the days that mark another week without our baby in our arms. We try to be as positive as possible on those days--but sometimes it's hard. And we need extra comfort, support, and prayer on those days.

Last night, we went to the pregnancy/infant loss support group at the hospital where we delivered Oliver. We didn't think we needed it going in, but afterwards we realized how much we did! And we enjoyed it! We made some new friends. We got to talk about Ollie, pass around my picture album, and get support and advice from moms and dads who have been where we are. I know that people who offer us advice and comfort mean well (and we appreciate it), but there is nothing like talking, listening, and crying with someone who (unfortunately) knows exactly what and how we are feeling. There were people there who lost their baby weeks, months, or years ago. It was nice to hear from the parents who are years out from the tragedy that there will be a day when we see the light at the end of the tunnel. That we will be able to truly enjoy life again. That there will be days that we don't cry. We also got confirmation that we aren't crazy for grieving still. We've had some people in our lives that have implied that we should "be over it" already. Or that I need anti-depressants because I am crying when I talk/think about Oliver. Those people don't understand that Oliver was a human, a baby...OUR BABY! He is our son! And we ARE allowed to grieve the loss of him...for how ever long it takes us!

At the support group, we were talking about the storms that wreaked havoc on Indiana this week. One couple shared that when the tornado sirens were blaring, the only things that they grabbed to take with them into their safe place were the momentos from the hospital (including the moldings of their daughter's hands and feet). I immediately chimed in and said "Me too! Me too!" :) Well, we planned ahead. Knowing that the storms were coming, Rob and I moved Oliver's memory box (full of his belongings) and the shadow box with his hand and foot moldings into the bathroom. So that when the tornado sirens sounded, we went into the bathroom and held onto Ollie's stuff. (And apparently, there were many other moms and dads that did the same thing!) We all cherish these treasures--they are irreplaceable. It's all we have left of our baby.

Enjoy Easter on Sunday. Remember--it's not about the bunny, colored eggs, and chocolate--it's about our Lord and Savior dying on the cross for our sins, raising from the dead, and ascending into Heaven. Because of this, we can have eternal life in Heaven if we believe in Him. I am so grateful for that! Not only will I get to live forever inside the pearly gates, but I will be able to see my little Junebug again (and meet all of his new friends) when it's my turn to get angel wings!

2 weeks?!

I can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since Oliver was born and gone! :(

The funeral/graveside service was last Friday. It went really well. Our families were there surrounding us. Rob, his dad, his brother, and my dad got to help carry Oliver's little casket. Our wonderful pastor, Brad, conducted the service. When it was over, we all went out for pizza. As weird as that may sound, it was nice for us to be able to visit with our families and friends, and just unwind.

On Saturday, we had Oliver's memorial/celebration of life service. It was amazing! We sang praises to God, listened to our great small group leaders read Jeremiah 29:11-14 and explain what these verses mean to Rob and I, and how we have challenged/blessed them. Then Brad spoke...it was perfect! He spoke about how Oliver was the perfect name since the name Oliver is derived from Olive and the similarities between our Oliver and the Olive tree. The Olive tree is able to grow in the worst conditions and still produces good fruit, and baby Oliver, like the Olive tree, continued to grow and amaze the doctors despite his condition & touch hundreds of lives. We weren't aware of the meaning behind the name Oliver...Junebug just looked like an Oliver. :) Afterwards, we had a table of his momentos and pictures for people to look at and another table with cake. Yes, we had cake...we were celebrating Oliver's life after all! He is such a miracle!

I'm gonna be honest...this week has been tough! This is our first week of reality. Last week we had family and friends around us most of the time or had planning to do for his funeral and memorial service. The first couple days of this week, we...(er, I) cried many times. I look at his pictures, his little hat, his hand and foot moldings...all of his momentos and it makes me sad, yet happy. I'm glad that I got to carry him, feel him kick, see him move on the ultrasounds, and hear his heart beat...but I'm also glad that we got to see him, hold him, snuggle with him, kiss him, love him before he went to be an angel in Heaven. I'm glad that we have an angel to look over us and that he never had to suffer. That doesn't mean we don't miss him...because we miss him terribly! We wish everyday that we could still hold him, love him, see him. But we take comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven, playing with his angel baby friend Tressel, getting loved on by great-grandparents and Jesus, and watching down on us.

Oliver Matthew Junebug--
You will always be our miracle and you did more for God in your little life than most people do in their long life here on Earth. We miss you so much, but love you even more!
Momma and Daddy

P.S. Rob decided last week to name all Wednesdays "Oliver Days" since Ollie was born on a Wednesday. So next Wednesday, wish someone "Happy Oliver Day"! :)

The Obituary for Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster

Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster was born on Wednesday, March 30, 2011, at 8:10 a.m. to his parents, Rob and Allyson Foster at Community North Hospital in Indianapolis. He weighed two pounds, eight ounces and was 13.75 inches long.

Oliver's family was blessed with an hour and 41 minutes with him, before Jesus took him home at 9:51 a.m. Oliver spent his short time here being held and kissed by mommy and daddy, and being told "I love you" uncountable times.

Along with his parents, Oliver is survived by his maternal grandparents, Sherman and Janet Altick; his paternal grandparents, Tony and Kyna Foster; his uncle, Jake Altick; his uncle, Kyle Altick; and aunt-to-be, Linda Sanchez; his uncle and aunt, Tony and Rett Foster; and his cousins, Abby and Laney Foster and Hayleigh Blevins.

Oliver will always be God's miracle to his parents and family. He is greatly missed, but his family knows they will see him again in heaven one day.

Oliver will be laid to rest at a family graveside service on Friday, April 8, at Willow Grove Cemetery in Fountain City. A memorial service/celebration of life will be held on Saturday, April 9, at 2 p.m. at Fall Creek Wesleyan Church, 11721 Olio Road, Fishers, Ind.

If anyone would like to make a donation in Oliver's memory, please donate to either Harvest Church, P.O. Box 184, McCordsville, IN 46055; or Fingerprints of Grace Photography, 11877 Ledgestone Circle, Fishers, IN 46037.

The Smith & McQuiston Funeral Home, Fountain City, is in charge of funeral arrangements.

Online condolences: www.smithmcquistonwebster.com

Update after a few days...

I'm sorry the updates haven't been as frequent as we would like, but it's been a rough few days as to be expected. We've been having a whirlwind of emotions, but thankful to God for everything. Oliver was an adorable little guy and will be in the hearts of many for a long time. The hospital we were at was more than awesome, they took care of our every need, and really cared about us and all we were going through. We really bonded with some our nurses who were taking care of us. Also, Carrie with Fingerprints of Grace took some amazing pictures for us which will be shown in later posts.

As I said above, it's been a tough few days. Physically and emotionally for Allyson, and then emotionally for myself and our families. We miss our little Oliver so much, he was a fighter and an inspiration to us all. I am so thankful that we got to hold him as much as we did. I was even able to give him his first little Hot Wheel, which was a Chevy Truck (pictures to come). Allyson is starting to sleep better, but it has been a struggle at times for us both. We still have a lot of things to get figured out, and have so many emotions. Sometimes something small will set us off, or sometimes it is reading the comments, cards, and other items of support. We appreciate them all and can't tell you enough how all the prayers and support has really helped us. We have so many people to thank, I'm not even going to start thanking them on here, because I know I'll miss someone, but know you all are appreciated. 

Anyway, sorry for the scattered brain post, but that's about how I am thinking right now. Did I mention how adorable our son Oliver was? Well, just in case you don't believe me, I have posted a couple pictures below. We will post again soon, but in the mean time, please continue to pray for Allyson's health, recovery, and strength. Also pray for our families as they are having difficult times as well.

Mommy and Oliver

Mommy, Daddy, and Oliver

Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster

 

Thanks and God Bless,

Oliver's Mommy and Daddy

Quick update with more to come...

Just wanted to let everyone know at 8:10 a.m. Oliver Matthew Junebug Foster was brought in to the world. He weighed 2 pounds 8 ounces and was 13.75" long. We got to spend nearly 2 hours with him before he met Jesus in heaven. We will update with more details and pictures tonight or tomorrow. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers.

Rob, Allyson, and Oliver

Wednesday it is...

Well, our delivery day has been set. We will be going in early Wednesday morning so we can bring Junebug in to the world. We don't expect Junebug to be with us long, but we are going to love on this baby as much as possible and share every moment we can with him or her. Yes, after all of the testing we have had done, we still don't know if it's a boy or girl. I still say it's a girl like I have from the beginning and I think Allyson is finally starting to think I am right, but we'll see.

Junebug has taught us so much, touched so many people, and it's going to be extremely difficult to say our worldly goodbye, but we will see our baby again. Just as we have prayed and prayed that Junebug would be healthy and not have any physical ailments, our prayers will be answered when Junebug goes to heaven. It won't be a goodbye, but a "see you later". We are truly thankful and feel blessed to have this experience, but it doesn't make it any easier.

We have so many decisions to make in the next couple days and Allyson's body will be going through a lot. It will be not only emotionally challenging for her, but also physically. Please pray for her nerves when preparing for the procedure, and then also her recovery. While you are at it, if you could pray that we make the right decisions when encountered with all of the different questions presented in the next few days, it would be greatly appreciated. There are so many unknowns and we keep learning of more unknowns by the minute.

Junebug's Journey is far from over, and I'll update the blog as soon as I can on Wednesday or Thursday. We still believe a miracle can be done, as we are living a miracle now. God has blessed us in so many ways, and we sincerely thank everyone who is praying and has been.

Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” (John 11:4)

Talk to you soon,

Rob, Allyson, and Junebug

Trials...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." --James 1:2-4


Rob and I went to Cincy Children's Hospital on Friday to have some tests run and find out if there is anything that can be done to help our Junebug. We were lucky enough to have my parents go too, just to be support and keep Rob company while I was being poked and prodded. We arrived at 9:30...they did an ultrasound (for 1 hour and a half), fetal MRI (for over an hour), fetal echocardiogram (for about 45 minutes), met with a genetics counselor, and had a huge team meeting with four doctors who are some of the finest in their specialities. Needless to say, by the time we got to the team meeting at 5:00, Rob and I were exhausted--physically, mentally, and emotionally. 


The doctors went over the MRI images and ultrasound findings. Some of which we already knew...some was new information to add to our list. 
We knew...

• the umbilical cord is only a 2 vessel cord (instead of the normal 3 vessel cord)
• Junebug's lungs are severely hypoplastic (meaning they are severely underdeveloped and small).
• the left kidney is no longer functioning 
• the right kidney is multicystic 
• there is a bladder obstruction, resulting in severe oligohydroaminos (low to no amniotic fluid)

We didn't know...

• the urine is mixing with the meconium (bowel) and calcifying 
• there might be an imperforate anus/anal atresia (an anus that does not open to the outside of the body)
• Junebug has a tethered spinal cord
• Junebug has a hemivertebrae (a wedge-shaped vertebrae that could result in scoliosis)
• Junebug's heart has a ventricular septal defect (a moderate hole in the wall that separates the right and left ventricles of the heart)

With all of that being said, Junebug has been diagnosed with VACTERL association. VACTERL association is a nonrandom association of birth defects that affects multiple organ systems. The term VACTERL is an acronym with each letter representing the first letter of one of the more common findings seen in affected children:

(V) = vertebral abnormalities

(A) = anal atresia
(C) = cardiac (heart) defects
(T) = tracheal anomalies including tracheoesophageal fistula
(E) = esophageal atresia
(R) = renal (kidney) and radial abnormalities
(L) = (other) limb abnormalities

To be diagnosed with this, at least three of the seven defects need to be present in an infant. The exact cause of VACTERL association is unknown. Most cases occur randomly, for no apparent reason (sporadic).

Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to help our Junebug. If JB would have only one or two of the defects/abnormalities, the doctors could probably tackle them through surgery or other medical solutions. But there is too much to try to deal with...so now we just wait to see when we can deliver. The outlook for Junebug is very grim. Even after I deliver, Junebug won't live long because of the underdevelopment of the lungs. 

So we are trying to spend as much time with Junebug as possible and make it as positive as we can. We know the journey is not over yet...and won't be for a while. God has used our little Junebug to touch and change so many people. 

Please continue to pray for us...God will continue to give us strength, wisdom, peace, and comfort. Please continue to pray for our families and friends...this news has been hard for them too! 

We are still praying and hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

Week 27!!

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” --Mark 10:27 (NIV)


Well, here we are...Week 27!! Can you believe it!?! God is good! He has sustained Junebug...almost a month past what we were expected! :) 


We went to the OB today for our scheduled check-up. She checked Junebug's heartbeat...perfect as usual! It was in the 140's. And JB has been moving lots today...usually the quieter it is, the more the baby moves. So, he/she doesn't move much when I'm at school...the kids are too loud. :)


We go to Cincinnati later this week to see what can be done to help Junebug. The day is packed with appointments! We will have an MRI, an ultrasound, meetings with specialists and a team of doctors. They will determine if the bladder shunt procedure will be beneficial and if so, when we will do it. If they think there is nothing they can do to help our Junebug, then we will come back home and deliver ASAP. Rob and I would like to spend as much time with Junebug alive as we can...so this is really our only option. We don't want to keep pushing the envelope, get too far to turn back, and then regret our decision. This is a hard decision for Rob and I to make. 


We know that God is in the miracle business. I mean, hello...we are living a miracle (or many)! It's a miracle we are pregnant in the first place. It's a miracle Junebug is still alive at 27 weeks. It's a miracle that Junebug's heartbeat is still so strong. It's a miracle that Junebug is moving so much. It's a miracle that God is using this little unborn baby to touch so many people! So we KNOW God does miracles...and we are still praying for yet another miracle (that Junebug is healthy when we deliver)! We have the faith...and we know He can move mountains! This is the mountain that we want/need moved! 


Please join us in praying for this specific miracle! Have the faith that God can/will do it! 


Also, our wonderful sister-in-law has arranged for a fast tomorrow for Junebug.  On her blog, Forever Family, she explains the reason behind fasting and what her prayers are during this time. Feel free to join her and others tomorrow. Pray for Junebug while you are fasting...pray that God will heal our baby and when we deliver, he/she will be healthy! God can do it! 


To our lil Junebug,
As Colossians 1:9-14 says, we haven't stop praying for you since we first heard about you. We, along with many other people, are praying for you and your well-being. We know that God is with you and us during this whole situation. Your journey is far from over...so keep hangin on. We will see you soon! We love you!
Momma and Daddy